RUMOUR (also spelled “rumor”)- “a story or statement in general circulation without confirmation or certainty as to facts.”

Rumors can be beneficial in the spy world: they can serve to ruin lives (sometimes the cause of infamy) as well as to throw suspicion in another direction. With most rumors, as with ALL lies, there is  generally a grain of truth; you just have to know how to spot it. If not a grain of truth, a contradiction. Rumors can be extremely helpful because when tracking down a suspect, sometimes you have to follow the whispers in the air. This post will help you separate the truth from speculation. Remember, as a spy, the only rumors about you that you want in circulation are the rumors you started yourself.

TRACK AND BAIT

A good example of how rumors are helpful to a spy can be found in the world of celebrity. Celebrities are notorious for trying to throw the press/paparazzi for a loop and as the old adage goes, “any press is good press” (a point to be debated at a later time). As the press are, in fact, a type of spy; a true reporter knows how to separate truth from fiction in order to avoid spreading false information, which could potentially soil their reputation. One of the easiest ways to determine whether a rumor is leaning towards truthful side, is to track the source of it’s inception. Not to say that any one source is more reliable than the next; it is just as easy for the celebrity themselves to say they’re doing one thing and really be doing another, as it is for a close friend or “celebrity blogger” to spread a lie. In such a case, you judge the validity of the statement (be it verbal, tweet, status update, press release) based on your own educated guesstimation of the celebrity personality in question. If the first inclining of a story pops up on a celebrity blogger site, judge by the validity of their past stories.

Once you have tracked down the source of the rumor, you want to determine where the grain of truth lies. So you bait the source with a question that doesn’t ask them to directly confirm or deny, but rather entices them to answer and let down their guard enough to give away further information. If you do this with enough people surrounding your target, eventually a picture closer to the truth will emerge.

AVOIDING THE MILL

One thing you definitely want to avoid in your life as a spy is leaving a trail of rumors that you had nothing to do with. Since there is truth buried somewhere deep within every lie, having unexplained rumors out there makes it easier for a) your cover to be blown or b) fueling an enemy with the means to track you down or worse, take you down. So how do you avoid the rumor mill? One way is to not do anything worthy of enough controversy…but then how fun would life be? You surround yourself with positive, like oriented people and try to remain in the background. Another course of action to obviate the spread of shameful lies: Always have a rumor floating around. This may seem contradictory, however, sometimes the best way to avoid one path, is to take a parallel one. People on the outside are less likely to start a rumor if there is already one in current circulation…and this way you have control over what information is out there.

CLEAN UP

Even seemingly “perfect” people have rumors spread about them (most often started by a jealous rival), so what do you do when one is started about you and it simply isn’t true? Honestly, nothing. Refer to the first section of this post, TRACK AND BAIT. You never want to slip up and give away more information than is already out there. Once you respond to a rumor it gives fuel to its supporters. If you respond to ‘deny’ the rumor, the initial lie will branch off into sections and grow into sub-lies. The only time you should ever respond to a rumor, is if you are going to CONFIRM it as being the truth.

Everyone has secrets. Everyone has something in their lives that they are ashamed of. These are the weaknesses that will be exploited by the jealousy, hurt, or anger another person feels towards you. It is easy enough to say “don’t let it bother you” but it is human nature to be bothered when our secrets are let out. Secrets belong to us, they are personal, an extension of who we are. Relationships grow from there being enough trust in one another to reveal these secrets, so when they are, let’s say prematurely ejaculated into society, we feel violated. When rumors are true, we feel violated and our first instinct is to deny, deny, deny, and fight back. Learn from history or watch a damn movie….this method always backfires.  I think the message here is: Violate yourself with a lie before someone else can expose the truth.

As a spy, we already know that you can’t trust anyone (or close to anyone), but even if you are careful about who you trust, the people closest to you may not be as cautious. Unfortunately, there is only so much you can do to help them. This post will help you protect those closest to you, while still protecting yourself.

***Most of my blogs are pretty generalized, I’m not “targeting” any persons in particular, just a compilation of ideas and examples that pretty much relate to most in Hollywood…so does this one. However, this post is a little more personal…but if you tried to guess who inspired it, you would undoubtedly be wrong. I guarantee it. Only one person in my life would possibly be able to guess correctly…and they probably won’t read this.***

PROTECTION DETAIL

It can be hard to recognize when we are being manipulated by another since we, as humans, are extremely self-absorbed. Did you ever notice how you can always tell when a friend or family member is being screwed over the second it begins, yet you only find out you’ve been fucked upside down and sideways when it is too late? This is because we don’t want to believe that we were vulnerable enough to fall for what is basically a vicious con. For the same reason, we are reluctant to believe friends and family when they warn us. This means you walk a delicate line when warning a victim of manipulation (VOM); you need them to see it for themselves, without becoming defensive and losing their trust.

Things to keep in mind:

-Never tell a VOM that they are WRONG or STUPID or BLINDED by the manipulator in the ”relationship” (I use this term loosely to refer to friendships, lovers, family, etc). This will only create tension between you; a VOM that feels threatened will shut down and blame you for any further issues within their relationship.

-Never let the manipulator know that you are onto them. Ever hear the old adage; keep your friends close and your enemies closer? If you give up your hand they have the opportunity to turn your friend/lover/family member, the VOM, against YOU. This is the last thing you want.

-Never let your guard down with the manipulator. If you already know they are capable of manipulation, don’t for a second believe they are telling YOU the truth.

CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES

As a spy, it is wise to choose your personal battles. If you went head to head with everybody that manipulated someone you care about, you would never have time to actually live your life. Everyone manipulates someone at one time or another. Sometimes for the good of another. You don’t need to take on the guy who manipulates your friend into seeing a movie he/she doesn’t want to see. But you may be inclined to save a VOM who is being pushed around and manipulated into a lifestyle choice that is against their true wishes or is harmful to their health or future. Remember, be as objective as possible and be careful you don’t let your ego get in the way. Who are we to decide what is best for another person? You must keep yourself in check so that you really are looking out for the VOM, and not making choices based on what YOU would like them to do. In the latter case, you are no worse than the original manipulator.

MANIPULATE THE MANIPULATED

Once you have chosen your mission you must gather your evidence. What are specific instances in which this manipulator has hurt the VOM? How are they doing it, how have they gotten under their skin? Sometimes it is love, sometimes it’s admiration for the manipulator’s accomplishments, sometimes it is a feeling of obligation, sometimes it is all three. So what can you do?

-LISTEN to the VOM when they need to talk.

-GIVE GOOD ADVICE so they know you are there for them.

-GAIN THEIR TRUST (which if you already care enough about them to be here, you already have it) so that any advice you give regarding the manipulator won’t be immediately dismissed.

-GO IN FOR THE KILL- this is not one shot to the head. This is more Dexter style…slow, methodical, savory. Make sure you don’t spook the VOM into distrusting you. When they are having a crisis of faith regarding the manipulator, this is when you make your move. Follow the steps above: listen, give good advice, and use their trust. Let them know you are there for them 100%, and finally ASK THE RIGHT QUESTION. This is the key, you have to ask a question that throws their entire trust of the manipulator into question; so that they discover the truth ON THEIR OWN. As I mentioned in the beginning, if you expose the manipulator before they are ready to hear you, the VOM may feel overly exposed and vulnerable to a point of defending their relationship, and your mission will have failed.*

*This may take time. You may have to repeat the steps while waiting for the right opportunity to strike.

KNOW WHEN TO ABORT YOUR MISSION

The hardest and saddest thing is knowing that someone has been completely blinded by their love for the manipulator. That nothing you can do will change their mind until they see it for themselves (most likely when it is too late). They may even push you away completely. The only thing you can do is let them know that you will always be there for them, so that when that day comes, they won’t hesitate to turn to you for guidance. The next thing is to separate yourself and abort the mission. Don’t try any more tactics. Don’t ever mention the manipulator again. Put yourself on standby for your friend/lover/family member. Become a SLEEPER AGENT; a potential asset IF NEEDED.

We all want to be there for our friends and family when we see them being used, abused, mistreated, or manipulated. Unfortunately, some people aren’t ready to hear the truth and are blinded by the lies they want to believe. Sometimes you have to abort the mission, but you never have to give up hope.<3

With every new advance in technology comes a new wave of criminal possibilities. With the increasing popularity of online social networking and the instability of the internet, there is a large constituency of cyber-bullies. Cyber-bullying and cyber-stalking can be extremely detrimental and demoralizing to the perpetrator’s victims. It has the ability to affect their self-esteem, families, work, and in some cases has led to suicide. We have all joked about the ’stalker walls’ aka ‘news feeds’ available via facebook, twitter, myspace, etc. However, the anonymity that the internet can provide leads to a slippery slope in the world of online social warfare. The main message here: Be careful.

THE TRICKS OF THE CYBERSTALKER

There are several avenues that the cyberstalker can take to harass his/her victim. Counterintelligence: Be aware of the following:

FAKE PROFILES

In order to contact their victim, the cyberstalker (herein to be referred to as CS) may create a series of fake profiles on social networking sites.  To protect myself I only add people that I know personally. Even when we have multiple friends in common, if I have never met you, I won’t add you. I came across a stalker once with whom I had 10 mutual friends. I sent them a message asking if I knew them, as the name did not sound familiar. The response I got confirmed to me that they were a CS since the “high school we went to together” was not the school I attended. I knew all 32 people in my graduating class, sorry, you weren’t one of them. I started noticing patterns in the people this CS was adding, and alerted the friend of mine they were attempting to gather information on.

The best way for a CS to gather information is to add the friends of their victims so they can see who you associate yourself with, and to become privy to any “friendly, private information” you might share on their walls.  So be careful who you add, you may be assisting a CS in stalking one of your friends.

Another “fake profile red flag” is lack of photographs. Since the person in question doesn’t exist in the physical world, the CS will most likely have only one or two photos (stolen from someone else) or make their ‘photos private.’ If you have added the profile and still don’t have access to their pictures, chances are you have just added a CS.

FORMSPRING

Formspring.me has emerged in the last few months as a popular site to post anonymous questions targeted at specific individuals. It has also exposed a contingent of cyber-bullies (CB). By posting ‘anonymously,’ CB and CS gain the confidence to post hate messages to their victims that they wouldn’t otherwise have the balls to send. Look for similarities in writing patterns when comparing any threatening or disparaging messages or posts directed towards you via various sites.

BIPOLAR HABITS

Keep in mind that the CS will not always post hate messages. Though their end-game may be to cause the defamation of character against their victim, they will also need to gather information. The best way to get information from their victims is to appear as both friendly and “fan-like.” In this case, the CS may have several “fake profiles” and “online identities” to better strategize the best way to harass their victim. Of course, you don’t necessarily want to treat everyone as if they may be a closet CS. Instead, watch out for the warning signs as listed above, and be wary of answering any personal questions that seem a little “off” to you.

TAKING ACTION

Unfortunately, while the internet grows and our virtual lives get more complicated, our US legal system is slow to catch up. Just as stalkers in the ‘physical world’ leave footprints, so do stalkers in the virtual world. Wording becomes essential when drafting laws for cybercrimes. There are currently many gaps in the US Federal Cyber Stalking Law found under the Communications Decency Act. The federal government leaves it up to individual states to adopt a more stringent set of laws. So far a few states have passed cyberstalking/harassment laws through legislature; California’s can be found here.

There are also several websites you can visit for more information and receive help in reporting any harassment and/or cyber-stalking.

STOP CYBERBULLYING

QUIT STALKING ME

If you believe you are being stalked in the ‘real world’ as well, please contact your local authorities. For women in the LA area, you can contact the 24-hour Peace Over Violence (formerly LACAAW) stalking hotline at 877.633.0044.

IT CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE

I have seen first hand what online harassment and cyberstalking can do to someone in the real world. I have had several friends that were/are victims of these crimes; some people have nothing better to do than to try and slander the names of good people and start rumors that affect their relationships, friendships, and businesses…and for what? Luckily my friends have skin thick enough to withstand most cyberbullying, however some people out there have a more difficult time looking the other way. There have been several cases of suicide linked to cyberbullying in high school students. Sure, we all have someone we have joked about ’stalking someone online’ at one point or another, but in some instances it can turn dark, twisted and just plain pathetic.

SAFETY FIRST

Be careful.

Watch what you post online (sure you are going to eat sushi…don’t tweet the address!).

Watch who you are adding onto your personal profiles.

Make your profiles private and protect your photos.

Don’t answer personal questions if you don’t know the other party.

Don’t give out your address or phone numbers to strangers online (yes, it sounds silly, but people actually do that. This is like handing your CS the key out of the virtual world and into the real one).